Embarassment

Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Nasser

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Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:

Loving son,

Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

thief catching machine

Japan invented a machine that catches thieves.

They took it out to different countries for a test.

U.S.A, in 30 minutes it caught 20 thieves;

UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves;

Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;

Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves;

Uganda, in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,

Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

Sex Education-PCK Style

Chu Kang (PCK) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius
.........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?

PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !

Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?

PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?


Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?

PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !

Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?

PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........

Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are
making love ?

PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?


Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?

PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ............................you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!

Aloy : Wah......Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.

PCK : Aiyah ...... ," Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!" also ah!!! pass it 2 ur fren.....& let them laugh out loud....

(answer) The $1 didn't go anywhere.....

its easy lah, just think about it. its only a trick of mind and i will tell u the answer here.

He borrowed $100 and he bought the shoes by $ 97 so:

97/2 = $ 48.5 for each of them plus he gave them $1 each after that, then the total with each one of them (the two who gave him the money) $49.5
then $49.5 + $49.5 = $99, and he kept $1 for himself, then the total will be $100.

just took me 1 min to solve it, hahaha.

(quiz) Where's the $1 gone??

Please answer this,

Ah Meng wants to buy a pair of shoes, but he doesn’t have any $$. So he borrowed $50 from Lily and $50 from Lulu. Then, he went to buy a pair of shoes costing $97.

He got the change back and paid back to Lily and Lulu each $1, and kept the balance $1 for his own. Now, he owe Lily and Lulu each $49, rite?

Ok, here's the question:
Ah Meng borrowed a total of $100, now balance is $49 from each girl to become a total of $98, add in his $1 balance, and he only got $99, so where is another $1???

Answer? tomorrow okay?
:D

BANNED FROM WALMART

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Irish College entrance exam questions

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wow..! Who could've figured that out?